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13 August 2012 @ 10:01 am
Okay, my leg is starting to feel better (fingers crossed), and I think I'm back. Everything just seemed like too much when I was constantly in that much pain. I thought it would take months. And I guess it took about two months for me to feel any real improvement...now I need to get a life.

I'm going to check and see who is posting, maybe comment. I'm in and out of here, but I think my posts on Facebook may have taxed the patience of some of my Facebook friends. Now that I'm feeling better, hopefully my posts can be more positive. Here, I mainly go on to comment, but occasionally, I will post.
Wish me luck and I hope everyone is doing well on here.
11 July 2012 @ 07:29 am
I've been awake since 4-something. I just kept waking up and waking up, and then my computer rebooted on its own at 4, and that was just the last straw. I hate this kind of insomnia. I'm usually up with the sun anyway, which is about 5:30, but I think I counted 4 hours of sleep last night, and there were awake-gaps in there. Maybe the leg pain was waking me up. I don't know. It was pretty bad, but it usually is before I've taken my Ibuprofen and muscle relaxer.
All I have to do today is pick up that refill on the lidocaine patches. I hope it helps. I've never really figured out whether those things do much. They're a topical analgesic, but when I touch my skin over my thigh where it hurts so much, my skin is numb. The spasms are happening anyway; I don't really get any of this, except that my doctor says it may have to do with the sciatic nerve.
I might go back to sleep in awhile here.
10 July 2012 @ 05:34 pm
This pain thing has been a balancing act, but does seem to be easier to deal with. It seems to be important to be active, and I'm still just doing one or two things a day out in the world, but at least I'm not sleeping half the day and lying on the floor in pain the other half. This coming Monday is my appt. with Vocational Rehabilitation...hope this leads to a job. Really, school should have led to a job, but I just froze. This is my next attempt to get some training and some help with things like resumes, clothes for job interviews, etc. It looks like it's very structured, so...I tend to do better in structured environments which is why being out of work and school for so long has been so frustrating.
Mark's making cheeseburgers. They should be ready soon, so I should go.
07 July 2012 @ 04:44 pm
I meant to send the previous entry to the fibromyalgia community,and there doesn't seem to be a way to do that while editing. Want to let them know how I'm doing. Grrr!
Anyone know how I could do that without writing the whole thing over again?
07 July 2012 @ 04:38 pm
My doctor gave me a muscle relaxer and an acid blocker, and both seem to work. I'm still in pain, but it's manageable in the early morning. My doctor is leaning toward sciatica, but she won't know until she orders a spinal x-ray, and I'm not seeing her again for a month.
I have a mammogram coming up; I hope they don't find anything malignant. My mother's sister had breast cancer. She lost both breasts, so I'm a bit freaked every time I have a mammogram.
It's good being in less pain and being able to get around some, but I'm still obviously having pain and leg problems to anyone who is actually paying attention like the bus driver this afternoon. It's amazing how few people are paying any attention at all. They just sort of barrel through life and will throw me off balance breezing past me with hardly any room between us, or tailgating. I hate when they tailgate. Has anyone else noticed that a large segment of the population seems to be asleep or so caught up in God knows what that they don't even notice other people? I'm betting people have noticed. What do I need? A cane? Something to signal to the clueless that I can't walk as easily as they can? Or would that even work. I feel more kinship with the people with walkers and crutches and wheelchairs than half these people.
But yeah. I'm starting to feel better. Finally. That was two weeks in hell.
29 June 2012 @ 06:55 am
Stupid leg pain seems better this morning, which is good. It's certainly not gone, and I still can't sit at the computer too long without having to walk around, but this is an improvement. I'm worried because I have to go to the food bank today, which involves going up and then down two steep hills, the second time with a lot of food. Food is heavy. The day after did that last week was when the pain really kicked in bad the next morning. I don't want to go through one more morning with the intensity of pain I've gone through every day this week except for this morning. I don't even know what this is. It's taking over my life. I just hope it stays better today.
27 June 2012 @ 06:32 pm
Okay, the leg has not gotten better. I went to the ER for X-ray work and got the worst, meanest, most unsympathetic doctor I've ever had. I think because I'm in a program for opiate abuse that I've been in for three years with no relapses.
Went to my clinic today in extreme pain. My nurse got me up there fast and had me sign a (what are they called?) so she could read the results of my ultrasound. I have to go back next Tuesday, and I hope she can diagnose me, but this is turning into a long, excruciating process, and my husband, while helpful, is in pain himself and thinks once again, that yoga would help. My doctor says she doesn't want to give me any exercises until she figures out what this is, because it might cause flares. I'm already in a constant flare and have been for over a week. I'm thinking sciatica, but what do I know? I'm a layperson.
Anyone else have persistant pain in backs of a leg? How long has it lasted? What was it?
21 June 2012 @ 07:11 am
I haven't been writing in my own journal lately because I'm been having intense leg pains, so I've been posting in the fibromyalgia community. They don't feel like they're ready to go away yet. I've been taking iboprofen regularly, and it seems to help a little bit anyway.
I see my therapist today. I feel like all this stuff started the day I had my phone interview with him. Two days later, I had a bad cold. Then a day or two after that, I was in so much pain with the backs of my legs that I couldn't sit down. That turned out to be the second day in a row that I spent mostly in bed, and not asleep, either. The first, because I didn't want to give Mark my cold. The second because I could not sit down. I didn't want to stand all day, Mark was sleeping on the couch for long periods of time (I've started to be able to figure out when...there's a certain point in the late afternoon that Mark just falls out, and he tends to wake up between 6pm and 7:30 wanting food). At least yesterday, he had made some mac and cheese so it wasn't that hard making sure we both ate.
And money has been tight, too. I have no money and Mark has a limited amount. Making food that will last over into the next day is important. Nothing like waking up hungry and having only cereal to look forward to, but it could be worse. We could have no cereal, or no milk. I've been making sure milk gets taken care of, because we need it for cereal and I need it for coffee. I can't stand black coffee.
Anyway, on with the show.
16 June 2012 @ 07:25 am
Things kind of came to a head yesterday. There was a fire that spread to public transit between the City and the East Bay. My therapist cancelled our appointment, but we decided to do a phone appointment instead. It turned out to be awful because I don't like to discuss certain subjects like the neighbors if I'm anywhere near a window, and with Mark asleep in the front room, I was right by a window, and I'm not that far away from the neighbors who I believe have said the worst things about me. The phone kept cutting out too. The therapist was asking me about how I felt about the neighbors and I got so frustrated I started crying. Then I tried to talk to Mark about it, and he got upset when I told him I was taking all my psych meds at night. It's something I really hadn't thought about all that much with the ramifications. He was telling me I needed to get residential, long-term care so they'd give me my meds at the right time. I really freaked out, was crying uncontrollably. My mom thought I should get some kind of alarm, so when Mark woke up again, I asked him to put alarms in my phone to ring at the right time to take my pills.
My therapist doesn't think I could even get into a long-term care halfway house. He says my symptoms aren't acute enough even if I wanted to go, which I don't.
Having psychiatric problems really isn't easy sometimes. My nose is still blocked up, probably from all that crying.
13 June 2012 @ 07:53 am
Tired even in the morning. I sleep too much; that must be it. I've really got to take a look at my life; I need to make some changes besides just Voc. Rehab. I'm glad my therapist is in town this week.